Writing in Te Kauri

Te Kauri is working on developing some writing skills and strategies. We looked at how we can edit our sentences to make them more interesting to read.

Our learning intentions:

We are learning to craft sentences that vary in length. This will help keep the reader’s interest.

We are learning to start our sentences in different ways. For example, we could start with a verb.

Our success criteria:

  • Use a short sentence to give a sense of action or grab attention.
  • Use mid-size sentences and longer sentences to describe and develop ideas.
  • Grab the reader’s attention again with another short, snappy sentence.
  • Use a verb to start a sentence.

Here is our attempt to recraft the sentence lengths and beginnings of a piece of writing.

The water was icy cold and I gasped as I dived in. I came up to the surface and swam like crazy to the edge of the lake. I jumped out and grabbed my towel. “Brrr. That was cold,” I said shivering. My arms were covered in goosebumps.

The arctic water looked glum as I dived in, gasping with regret. My head, cold and shivering, popped out of the water just seconds later. I raced to the edge and snatched my towel as I leapt out. “Brrr. That was freezing cold.” I snapped. Then I looked at my arms. There were goosebumps everywhere. Jack

Pulling myself out, and snatching my towel, I snuggle into it to warm up.

As I crazily swum to the surface…

When I emerged from beneath the surface…

Crawling out of the bone chilling water, I threw myself towards my towel.

Whoosh! I dived in.
Snuggling into my towel, I looked down at my arms. Goosebumps covered them like wallpaper.